The mess left me wondering who would have to clean it up.
The dreams, the promises were left broken
Along with the white picket fence
And the picture of the girl in a white dress
And the train set.
Was it his infidelity?
Or her lack of trust,
Either way papers were signed.
Little boy watched the show on Christmas Eve
Stayed up all night through the second and third acts
Shatterings and broken glass
And then on Christmas day
The finale.
When everything exploded.
And little boy, lay in the rubble, tarnished and ashen
Looking desperately
For his pristine little toy train set.
He could have grew up to make messes but no, messes were made on him
And he never did fid that train set….
He was always fixing
But couldn’t stand silence
He knew about the calm before the storm
He spent his life holding things up
Until the day she came
And tore all his plans down
She grew up on stage,
Upper class, Connecticut, thick doors to keep in the things, never said.
Too bad, Daddy thought
She was trash.
Momma never talked
But photos don’t lie
He wants his; she had Mexican in her eyes.
They polished every surface for the world to see
But hid all the things
The broken pieces underneath
She grew up to tear the world down
Scream to anyone who would listen
She was a riot, never the clown
Til the day he showed
And turned her world upside down
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hey Ashley, great poem. One that i was kind of confused about was the 'she' at the end of the poem. I thought that this poem was about 'him.' Are him and she related in some way? maybe you could make this clearer. The line "He could have grown up to make messes, but no..." did not fit in with the rest of the poem. The 'but no' was in a voice than the rest of poem.
ReplyDeletehey, yeah i agree with kristen the "but no" was in a diffrent voice, as for the confusin i had written, the she and him part side by side, but blogger messed it up, grrr... but maybe that would help clear up the confusion idk???
ReplyDeleteGreat Job Ashely, your poem is very visual in the middle, because I could see exactly what was happening. I was also i bit confused about the she in your poem. Was it supposed to be like a completly different person, or maybe a freak typo. I was also confused by the line she grew up to tear the room down. Did you mean like she was always crying or something. Though, all around great job :DDD
ReplyDeleteI diasagree with kristen when she said it was confusing when "she" came into the poem. I think it did flow, you did have a trasition moment, "Until they day she came/ And tore all his plans apart." The poem compared them side by side. I really like how you included her into your poem, I feel like it really made the poem great and unique. I do see the relationship between both of them and thought it was really well written. My favorite lines were, "They polished every surface for the world to see/ But hid all the things/ The broken pieces underneath." It ties in and shows the main point to the poem.
ReplyDeleteHey Shley. K so i really liked your poem, I just think somewhere in the middle you lost the message a little bit and it became too muddled. You knew what you were trying to say, but I feel like you didn't get the message across. But, if I had to compare this to an animal it would be a wolf because it's very strong, and the tone of the poem is sort of lonely. The word that stands out the most to me is ashen because it really sets an image =)
ReplyDeleteThe beginning of this poem was sooo good. But then I don't know what happened, because I got confused when you said "But photos don’t lie / He wants his; she had Mexican in her eyes." It's like you knew exactly where you were going with that, but you didn't really let the reader know what was going on. But otherwise, great poem, I liked your descriptions.
ReplyDeleteTYPO CORRECTION the line..He wants his; she had Mexican in her eyes.
ReplyDeleteits suppose to read, "she wasnt his; she had mexican in her eyes.
hope this clears it up, and yes, she was a diffrent person...thanks for all the love!!!