Final Quarter Work (Not Including Project): Other Poem # 1

I: Days that fall like wandering Stars.

your ashes are falling from the sky They’re periwinkle stardust, feathers
your face is growing and grime.
a big red balloon,
a duck in a pond, {sleep restless angel}
my tears are the pond
who is the duck?
my dress is moving
it’s too tight,
it’s not tight enough.
Your calling
I’m deaf I’m listening I can’t hear you I don’t want to listen.
The rain is staining my dress
your fears, because I’m too afraid to call them mine.
they’re ruining my life
they’re ruining this, our, mine and yours Paradise
---You don’t believe me
Well I don’t care
That’s a lie.
Your not reaching But It’s me right?
Why Why Why
your so tiny,
i’m smaller.
Your too big
I’m Taller,

II: Amber bath
And I’m alone again
Floating-
But this time still it’s all so new
Murky,
I float and swim in molasses,
the color of oysters, and of your eyes
I taste
it tastes of tears but they’re not mine
It smells. Amber and bonfire,
I am spinning, too fast but I like the numbness in my head It’s liberating
So why am I so terrified…

III: Where am I?
Still in the pond I float lazy legged and spinning out of control
I am muting.
The colors are turning pastels, lilies in the famous pond he painted for me
And I am vanished, somewhere,
I lost the colors and now, I am gone
I’m so scared, because I’m looking at the painting on the wall, and I can’t find my face,
Where did you go?
And I look down, and whose clothes are these? and how do they all of a sudden match,
My shoes are on the wrong feet and I can’t walk very far without falling,

I can’t breath
Who is holding me?
Trying for my safety, but my head is humming
I want to cry out but can no longer scream,
And it hurts, so bad,
This silent riot
This silent protest in my head
And now that I am with all The You’s…. don’t worry, be happy they sung
Oh G-d, I’m so alone, this wasteland where I can’t be herd.
Where know ones listening
I am cut throat, clawing, a dying in this gallery everyone looks but no one sees
and then the sounds,---they go too,
And all I see is you.
The endless parade
The endless charade of you’s
And I can no longer hear the things not said…

IV: No name

And then comes a boy, red freked, and twisted into himself
he doesn’t talk either, he is forgotten, he is no name
and I don’t think he hears,
but I think maybe, he can see…
Me?
Does he know? His eyes tortured water, drip of pain and warning,
Don’t resist Role over, play dead.
And I cry, because, that’s all I can do
Wail, Why?
I was so perfectly breakable
Why did you bring me here, to this wasteland of thought control?
Were there’s no pond
Or duck
And nothing tastes of tears…

And he wants me to stop, but I can’t help This time their mine.
And now I’m done for, because I see them coming
White coats, and stolen Halos, they come
She
She can’t be trusted,
Little girl, why can’t you just be satisfied?
And a NO finally breaks free---
from a place behind, that I did not know existed.
People staring and pointing
Some people, asleep on the floor in happy dreams stir,
And the no name has induced paralysis just looked but not of mind
I told you, restless one, you should have played dead,
now you’re gone,
they’ll take it all away now, and when you wake you won’t be the same, girl.
Then they came for me.

V: A darkness called bliss

The last thing I saw was you.
Your ashes were falling from the sky
And they were periwinkle.


Ashley Siflinger